Vacancy


day ten

fact number twentytwo: it’s new years eve which means today is the day everyone looks back at all the mistakes they have made throughout the year and look ahead to all that is in store for their “new beginning”. truth is, the majority of those people will be doing the exact same thing next new years. instead of actually going through with their “new beginning’s” and actually accomplishing something worth being proud of most will forget about their resolutions and default back to their old routines. i can surely say that 2009 was more so filled with the positive than negative. let’s take a recap.

last new years i started dating my most recent ex
a month later i felt like we were married
i liked that feeling
i got accepted into the school of visual arts
i graduated from briarcliffe college with an associates in digital photography
i took a leap of faith and quit my job of 3 years
i got dumped
i was over it in a week
i accepted a job at the cage
i met some absolutely astonishing human beings
i befriended those people
i learned from them, laughed with them, grew with them
i landed an amazing internship
i discovered my best work to date
i cried over it
i finally was proud of my photography
i started a journey
& next year i will continue the journey
you will hopefully follow me, help me fill the spaces

i see nothing terribly regretful on that list, in fact… i’m a believer that it all happened for a reason and i have learned from everything i have experienced in the past three six five.

here’s to living life the way you see fit, don’t let other people tell you who you are, your identity is the only thing you can have 100 percent control over, losing that is losing everything.

here’s to the next three six five, to continuing your beginning and not finding it necessary to start anew next year.

cheers.

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day nine

fact number twentyone: all of us are naturally programmed to try to fill the spaces in our lives…. i’m no different.  we all fill them in our own way though.  i fill them with photographs. it’s the only way i know how to complete what i feel is missing from my life, it brings everything together.  when i’m struggling with something, when i feel defeated, i look to photography to be that reassuring factor in my life.  truth is, it’s the one aspect of my life where i have constantly been given positive encouragement.  i hadn’t experienced negative feedback from my work until the first time i showed my portfolio in my critique class… one of my classmates said “i don’t get it”, others said “this tells me nothing about you”.  at the time i took it as them being jealous… i was cocky.  i thought that since i was one of the best at my old school that i was automatically “the shit”. i was so mistaken. i had no idea.  at that time, photography wasn’t filling spaces.  it was just something i happened to be good at. good. not great. yet.  those comments were possibly the most useful i have gotten in a long time.  it made me rethink what i was doing.  here i am, paying all this money to get an education and become the next Annie Leibovitz, minus the bankrupcy. (there have been more references connecting me with her in the past 3 weeks than i could have imagined) this is not necessarily a good thing, in fact it has no correlation with my work.  these people, who are telling me that’s who i want to be have no idea what my work looks like.  all they know is that i want to do commercial/advertising/fashion photography.  for all they know i could have shit for a portfolio.  and in my opinion at this moment, that’s what i have.  this is not to say that i only produce shit photographs, more so to say that i know i can produce so much more, so much better work.  my portfolio to date consists of one photograph.  that one photograph made me cry when i finished editing and printing it.  no lie. i cried.  not because i was sad, but because i was so proud.  i did it.  i produced the best photograph i have ever taken and it represents exactly where i want to go with my work.  it’s so close to perfection, i can’t even explain it.  and when someone else looks at it they say, “that’s a great close up” but it’s soooooo much more.  now what i have to do is create a gazillion other images which stand up to that single photograph.  i must keep my standards higher than they have been, and eventually make that photo my weakest work.  just another thing to work on…

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day eight

Posted in finding myself: the journey every person must complete by Jacqueline Iannacone on December 29, 2009
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fact number twenty: even though i try to be the bigger person, it still makes me smile knowing my ex’s new girlfriend is fugly… i guess it’s a quality every girl has, we can’t help but be glad when an ex has clearly downgraded… it’s some twisted way of lifting ourselves up above them and makes us “better” in some sense… i guess, i dunno i don’t think better is the best word to describe it.  what do you think? i’d love to hear some similar stories : )

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day seven post two

Posted in finding myself: the journey every person must complete by Jacqueline Iannacone on December 28, 2009

i just really want to talk more about what i posted in the earlier blog from today.  i decided i want to do a project on this woman and her life… the details aren’t certain just yet, and i’m obviously going to have to get her permission, but i can really see this taking on a huge part in my life and that’s exciting and scary and really fucking awesome.

fact number eighteen: is that i have the desire to document every interesting aspect of my life and of those around me.  maybe i’m going to be this documentary commercial fashion photographer… or maybe i’ll be my own creation of a mixture of all three… i’ll have to research my options : )

fact number nineteen: today was a great day.  so this fact is that i will acknowledge that which is uplifting and grow from that which is unsatisfying in the coming year… just one more thing to work on.

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day seven

fact number seventeen: i thuroughly enjoy helping those in need.  for the past 3 months i have been friendly with a homeless woman who lives on 31st street between 6th and 7th avenues.  our first interaction with each other was quite similar to every other homeless person i passed daily… a nod, smile and keep walking.  one day a couple of months ago, i was unwrapping a piece of gum walking to penn… as i passed her i heard a faint “o is that gum!” over my ipod playing.  i stopped and handed her the piece of gum, what’s one piece, i said to myself… well i handed it to her and she exclaimed “o my goodness, thank you so much that’s so nice of you, i’ve been craving gum for weeks now! God bless you!”  i was in utter shock.  for Christ sake, it’s a piece of gum i thought.  i looked at her, laughed and said you’re welcome as i walked away.  “WOW”, i thought.  i can’t believe she got so happy, so grateful over a stinkin piece of gum!  from that day on i made a point to pass her on my way home after class or work.  i looked forward to seeing her.  she turned into the highlight of my day, she truly changed the way i thought about life… the little things.  that’s what made her so happy… december soon came around and i thought of where and who she’d be spending christmas with… the least i could do was give her a small present, so on my way home on the 23rd i made sure i went down 31st and hoped she’d be there… sure enough, she was and i had the honor of making her christmas a bit better by giving her some home baked cookies.  she was practically speechless.  the fact that i thought of her.  my God that was the best feeling… the fact that i thought of her made her feel appreciated, she felt like she was worth something, like she wasn’t alone for the holidays… all i said to her was, “here are some home made cookies, have a great holiday… i’ll see you next week.”  she was so unbelievably happy which made me get all emotional.  i felt like a million bucks walking away that night.  on the way home i couldn’t get her smile out of my head, it just felt like such an accomplishment, to give a stranger in need such joy was an experience i never had before.  it was possibly the proudest moment i have had in my life.  today… about a week later, i saw her again.  i was walking with Parris Whitingham, a photographer i am interning for and his assistant, Chris… i made sure that we walked down 31st street because i wanted them to meet this amazing woman.  sure enough, there she was, “how were the cookies?” i asked “o wonderful! thank you so much for thinking of me!” she reiterated.  i asked her about her christmas and she told me how it wasn’t the greatest but what i was more concerned with was that throughout her story she never went more than a few sentences without smiling…. she continued to tell Parris, Chris and me about her story, her children… how she wound up on the street, how that makes her feel… the struggles she has faced, how she lives… it made me want to know more about her.  i want to help her in so many ways, i have hope for her… i trust that with a lot of guidance and a lot of help, this new year could be her last on the streets… call me crazy, call me naive but i believe her when she says she doesn’t drink and doesn’t do drugs… time will tell but i doubt i’ll be proven wrong…. all i’m sure of is that you can’t buy the happiness we both gave each other this christmas season, and if that’s all i get out of this relationship then i can be satisfied with that.

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day six

fact number sixteen: jojo the dog (i have to refer to her as “jojo the dog” because we named her after my moms best friend joanne… aka my second mom, who we now refer to as “jojo the human”) and i have a lot more in common than i initially suspected.  after hearing her playing with my step dad russ, i have come to the conclusion that she may sound ferocious but really she’s a big softy.  thing is… if a stranger was sitting in my place and heard the growling and barking going on downstairs they would probably never want to meet whichever dog was creating such a scary growl.  truth is… jojo the dog is the chillest dog you could meet… yes, she can be bitchy and yes, she hates most females but i think she’s a bit smarter than we all give her credit for.  now you’re probably wondering why i’m writing like this about my dog… and here’s the part where i tell you the masterfully fact which i figured out about myself today… that dog takes after her sister all a bit too well.  the personality traits she has, i have… i tend to come off as a bitch (it’s ok everyone, i’ve known it for a while now) but those who really know me, understand that isn’t necessarily the case.  i am actually someone you would want on your side because when the shit hits the fan and you need someone to be there… guess who will be standing next to you when everyone else has left… i will.  i am loyal, and therefore not a bitch… well to the people i’m loyal to, i just have my guard up when it comes to everyone else.  i just don’t want to be played for a fool.

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day five post two

Posted in finding myself: the journey every person must complete by Jacqueline Iannacone on December 26, 2009
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fact number fourteen: i love looking on vogue.com or vh1 “you should know” and already knowing the bands they are saying i should know… it kinda makes me feel cool in the way you did when you hit your first bowl or smoked your first cigarette… you know? unfortunately the “cool” factor soon goes away when everyone else starts doing the same thing… or in this case, listening to the same music. lame.

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day five

Posted in finding myself: the journey every person must complete by Jacqueline Iannacone on December 26, 2009
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i’ve been sitting here… at my computer… for about 20 minutes… waiting to have something valuable to say.  something important enough to write about… so i figured i’d just start typing and see what my mind generates… turns out i kinda have something worth saying. through this i realized that there really should be no guideline which determines that which is valuable and creditable and that which is not.  what’s important to me may not be important to you, but those where such is the case probably have stopped reading by now… truth is, you think i have something important to say and that’s why you’re reading every word i type as i sit here listening to “my generation” by the who. (thought that was important).  and it is. the little things, as i pointed out in an earlier post… those are the pieces which complete who we are.  it gives us unique qualities, the small things are what help us stand out, it’s what gives us value.  the same is true with a photograph.  the little details.  that is what sets apart the amateur from the professional.  the amateur don’t think of the aspects which could improve the photograph or they do so too late.  i don’t want to be like that.  i want to see things.  and improve them. and do them beautifully and successfully.  that is so important to me… having that attention to detail.  that is the aspect which will set me apart from my peers. that will bring me every thing i have been dreaming for the past 3 years.  key is… how do i do that.

fact number eleven: i still need to figure out how to do that. i have to find my it factor.

fact number twelve: this post rocks.

fact number thirteen: that last post was an impulse decision which my fingertips decided was necessary… and that before i got into all of what you just read i was planning on talking about the whole “breaking the rules” situation.  i … ok, this is a perfect example of how forgetful i am… i completely forgot what i was planning on writing about before i started with the attention to detail rant.  mind you i literally just knew exactly what i was about to write, went to write it and forgot… all in a matter of seconds.  fact number thirteen is that i am extremely forgetful with stuff that’s not majorly important. perhaps this attention to detail high i’m on will fix this situation a bit?   i think this blogging thing is really going to better myself.

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day five post three

fact number fifteen: whoever is reading this is probably coming from facebook and has just responded, or is about to respond to the exhibit i’m having at the School of Visual Arts from February 28th to March 6th entitled “Can You Tell Me”.  well… one fact you should know about me before deciding that you’re totally gonna go is that this show is extremely important to me and that i’d love for you to come share this first time experience with me… you also probably want to know more about the show, what i’m doing, the thoughts behind it… in the long run though don’t you want to go not really knowing what to expect? isn’t that where all the fun is in experiencing a show?  you never really know what exactly you’re getting into… and that’s exactly what i’m reflecting in this show.  i’m exploring the unknown.  and at least for me… if you already know what to expect when you enter the unknown then there’s really no point to take the journey now is there… so do me a favor and have faith in not knowing what to expect, all you have to know is that i won’t let you down.

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day four

Posted in finding myself: the journey every person must complete by Jacqueline Iannacone on December 25, 2009
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let’s start by saying that i don’t think i have any interesting facts to share with you today.  it’s christmas, so that’s exciting… i got Wii and these really awesome striped tube socks… perfect for boots, along with some other stuff…  i did realize though that my mom really listens to me and to the things which are important to me.  she truly cares. and though i have always known that and that she will be there for me, like any mom would, she doesn’t necessarily show that care all of the time.  maybe the reason why i feel this way is because we have always been together, we have always spent a lot of time together because i still live at home… since we have decided that i am going to be dorming next semester i think she’s getting a little sad… and me too.  leaving my mom and dorming is going to be the toughest thing i have had to deal with in a while… it’s a very exciting time for me but it’s also very scary, just to give you a slight understanding of how scary this will actually be, it may be important for you to know that i’m starting to cry right now just contemplating leaving my mom… i think i’ve come up with a fact through this paragraph…

fact number ten: my mom is by far the most important person in my life… she is my best friend… she is my rock and she knows me better than anyone ever has and ever will.  we have been through so much together… plain and simple, she’s my everything.

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