day sixty eight

Posted in finding myself: the journey every person must complete by Jacqueline Iannacone on February 28, 2010
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fact number fifty: i need to be more in tune. more involved with things, every-things.

for one: this blog. i have not posted anything for two weeks. two weeks is a long time. too long. thing is, just because i haven’t been blogging doesnt mean i havent been thinking about blogging. i missed it so much. my fingers just can’t stop typing because it feels so good just to be here again. in this seat. doing this. it is permanent. i will always be able to sit here, wherever here will be, i will be in the same place. my … my mind is in its own home, where the world surrounding me is mindless; senseless. all that matters is myself living in this moment, taking this time to myself to write about -to vent and express without complaining about- my life and my journey. it is mine. it is a growing, changing, timeless thing that i need to focus more on. i have to be involved in this thing -blogging- so i can use each day to my advantage. without waiting for tomorrow, or for when im going to sleep or for when i go home or for when i remind myself that i want to write today or for when i think of a brilliant blog and decide to not write something down, then is when i need to change my habits. then is when i need to decide. because all this life is is a list of decisions you choose to make each day. every little minute decision to not write something down, or to complain about that which you do not have or to blame others for your short comings directly reflects the life you want to life. with this in thought we need to realize that who you are lies in the decisions we make… every single day.

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day fifty four

fact number forty nine: giving back leaves me happier than i have ever felt.

i won’t get into the details, but recently i had the opportunity to photograph a charity event which celebrated loving yourself and making sure you choose yourself first. when i heard the story behind this project i couldn’t think of turn it down. to give you a taste of my joy… half way through i found myself wanting to text all of my friends and tell them about how amazing this experience had been.

the people i got to know, each individual… all so different, so unique, all had one thing in common… they had hope in the future. they believed in a better life. and when they saw everything the volunteers had put into this event… well the thankfulness was undeniable. it gives me chills just thinking about all the smiles i saw that day. not one person was in a bad mood, not one person was bitter, angry or resentful… they were simply beyond inspiring (both the volunteers and the participants).

going through the photos tonight brought me right back to the event. every photograph i took was a story, every subject had something important to say and i couldn’t help but be tuned in. one situation in particular stuck with me. this person in particular was eager to get away from the mirror, they wanted to move quickly through the stations as if they were a burden to the volunteer they were working with… until the volunteer said, “wait… slow down. look at yourself. this is your day… take your time and take it all in.” it reminded me that every day we must take the time to see ourselves. not only to see ourselves but to see the beauty in our imperfections (both men and women) and have the confidence to show ourselves off in a positive manner.

i have never really looked at myself and reflected back on what has happened in my past and how it has shaped the person i am today… this event revealed that to me. this event opened my eyes to a new point of view.

i have learned to be thankful for that which i have, embrace that which is to come and take life as it is, step by step.

transformations don’t happen over night they happen when you stop looking in the mirror seeing a stranger staring back and start seeing the inspiring, strong and confident person you can and will be.

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day fifty

fact number forty eight: i try to be there when i have to be there for people but i’m the worst at keeping touch in between

i am quite possibly they worst person at keeping in touch with old friends. maybe it’s just that i occupy my time so vastly into what is happening now to prepare for the future that i completely forget about the past. forgetting about the past has played a significant role in my life… from childhood i was continuously forgetting about that which has happened and focus on what is to come. i was always planning. all the time. maybe it was a defense mechanism. maybe it was my way of keeping people close… because if we had plans for tomorrow or the next day we continued to be a part of each others lives.

either way, planning was (and in a big way still is) a part of my day to day life. i wrote things down. mindless things. lists and lists of things to do, places to go. not interesting ones. nothing life changing. just a list of what i was doing for the day… productive? yes. freeing? no.

no wonder why i have found myself at 21 with little knowledge of what has brought me to the place i stand today. i was so focused on planning today that when today turned into tomorrow i had forgotten what had got me to yesterday’s today.

yesterday in a sense never existed. that’s what happens when you are blinded by the possibilities of today and of tomorrow. so where does that leave me? because i don’t want it to continue. i don’t want to walk around with countless forgotten yesterdays.

… wow that’s a nice little message, i don’t want to walk around with countless forgotten yesterdays…

that sounds like a good way to close things up

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day fortytwo

fact number fortyseven: i’m one of those people who believe in horoscopes and whimsical thoughts, card readings, psychics… all that shit. does that make me naive? i don’t think so. i believe there is something to be said for having faith in higher powers, not Godly.. though that’s not a bad thing to have faith in… what i’m concerned with is the predictions about the future, what other people have studied and have generated, through their research… ideas and advice regarding the future the past and most importantly… the now, the present… these horoscopes, these general predictions help to guide the path to success.

and they’re pretty accurate.

you may think they’re too general to not be accurate… that all these people are doing is reading body language, vocal inflictions… but i think there’s something there.

today i read my horoscope, as i do from time to time when i’m looking for guidance and curious about what lies ahead… at this time, if you haven’t read yesterdays blog, please do because the connection between what your about to read today and what i posted yesterday is undeniable…

yesterdays horoscope was about love… “Are you falling for someone you know on the job, Virgo? If so, you might find out that your feelings are reciprocated. Your friend could telephone or e-mail and invite you out, away from work. Some other people might be present, but this won’t stop you from getting better acquainted and realizing that this relationship shows promise. The only problem is that you may have to keep it under your hat for a while, at least at work.”

“are you serious!” i thought…

it’s just funny how things fall into place, when i blogged yesterday i hadn’t read this horoscope. no clue. nothing. both were written on separate days, by separate people, yet both had a significant amount to do with the other. if i have learned nothing other than that there is truth in that which we are fastest to doubt, im satisfied.

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day forty one

fact number fortysix: i have not control over who my heart decides to fall for.

today has brought about a lot of questions… all of which have yet to be answered but will be in time. all it takes it time, for something to fall into, out of, into and back out of place… the key here is having the patience to wait for the right moment, when there is an undeniable, irresistable connection, when things fall back into place. and stay in place. when you have no reservation about who you are, when you are completely perfect in the eyes of someone else, when they build you up during your journey instead of doubting your destination… that is when things will get in place and stay in place. when life just seems to work. without much effort, with such grace and ease, life will be perceived as perfection. something worth waiting for.

love is on that list of things i am waiting for, but chiefly on that list lies the patience of waiting for when life simply and purely… works.

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