Vacancy


day fifty

fact number forty eight: i try to be there when i have to be there for people but i’m the worst at keeping touch in between

i am quite possibly they worst person at keeping in touch with old friends. maybe it’s just that i occupy my time so vastly into what is happening now to prepare for the future that i completely forget about the past. forgetting about the past has played a significant role in my life… from childhood i was continuously forgetting about that which has happened and focus on what is to come. i was always planning. all the time. maybe it was a defense mechanism. maybe it was my way of keeping people close… because if we had plans for tomorrow or the next day we continued to be a part of each others lives.

either way, planning was (and in a big way still is) a part of my day to day life. i wrote things down. mindless things. lists and lists of things to do, places to go. not interesting ones. nothing life changing. just a list of what i was doing for the day… productive? yes. freeing? no.

no wonder why i have found myself at 21 with little knowledge of what has brought me to the place i stand today. i was so focused on planning today that when today turned into tomorrow i had forgotten what had got me to yesterday’s today.

yesterday in a sense never existed. that’s what happens when you are blinded by the possibilities of today and of tomorrow. so where does that leave me? because i don’t want it to continue. i don’t want to walk around with countless forgotten yesterdays.

… wow that’s a nice little message, i don’t want to walk around with countless forgotten yesterdays…

that sounds like a good way to close things up

Bookmark and Share

Advertisements

2 Responses to 'day fifty'

Subscribe to comments with RSS or TrackBack to 'day fifty'.

  1. Peggy said,

    u are your mother’s daughter…i wish i had more of a capacity to remember the past…i am paranoid really about what lies ahead and that’s self inflicted stress. I wonder if some hormonal self-defense/preservation mind/body thing is at work here…

  2. Samantha Loffman said,

    I thought i was the only one whom ever felt that way. That feeling that makes it seem as if each day blurs into the next.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: