day fifty four

fact number forty nine: giving back leaves me happier than i have ever felt.

i won’t get into the details, but recently i had the opportunity to photograph a charity event which celebrated loving yourself and making sure you choose yourself first. when i heard the story behind this project i couldn’t think of turn it down. to give you a taste of my joy… half way through i found myself wanting to text all of my friends and tell them about how amazing this experience had been.

the people i got to know, each individual… all so different, so unique, all had one thing in common… they had hope in the future. they believed in a better life. and when they saw everything the volunteers had put into this event… well the thankfulness was undeniable. it gives me chills just thinking about all the smiles i saw that day. not one person was in a bad mood, not one person was bitter, angry or resentful… they were simply beyond inspiring (both the volunteers and the participants).

going through the photos tonight brought me right back to the event. every photograph i took was a story, every subject had something important to say and i couldn’t help but be tuned in. one situation in particular stuck with me. this person in particular was eager to get away from the mirror, they wanted to move quickly through the stations as if they were a burden to the volunteer they were working with… until the volunteer said, “wait… slow down. look at yourself. this is your day… take your time and take it all in.” it reminded me that every day we must take the time to see ourselves. not only to see ourselves but to see the beauty in our imperfections (both men and women) and have the confidence to show ourselves off in a positive manner.

i have never really looked at myself and reflected back on what has happened in my past and how it has shaped the person i am today… this event revealed that to me. this event opened my eyes to a new point of view.

i have learned to be thankful for that which i have, embrace that which is to come and take life as it is, step by step.

transformations don’t happen over night they happen when you stop looking in the mirror seeing a stranger staring back and start seeing the inspiring, strong and confident person you can and will be.

Bookmark and Share


day fifty

fact number forty eight: i try to be there when i have to be there for people but i’m the worst at keeping touch in between

i am quite possibly they worst person at keeping in touch with old friends. maybe it’s just that i occupy my time so vastly into what is happening now to prepare for the future that i completely forget about the past. forgetting about the past has played a significant role in my life… from childhood i was continuously forgetting about that which has happened and focus on what is to come. i was always planning. all the time. maybe it was a defense mechanism. maybe it was my way of keeping people close… because if we had plans for tomorrow or the next day we continued to be a part of each others lives.

either way, planning was (and in a big way still is) a part of my day to day life. i wrote things down. mindless things. lists and lists of things to do, places to go. not interesting ones. nothing life changing. just a list of what i was doing for the day… productive? yes. freeing? no.

no wonder why i have found myself at 21 with little knowledge of what has brought me to the place i stand today. i was so focused on planning today that when today turned into tomorrow i had forgotten what had got me to yesterday’s today.

yesterday in a sense never existed. that’s what happens when you are blinded by the possibilities of today and of tomorrow. so where does that leave me? because i don’t want it to continue. i don’t want to walk around with countless forgotten yesterdays.

… wow that’s a nice little message, i don’t want to walk around with countless forgotten yesterdays…

that sounds like a good way to close things up

Bookmark and Share

day thirtythree

fact number fortyfour: self progress is a never ending adventure and i’m okay with it taking as long as it needs to take to reach my goals.

“Life is not about how fast you achieve your goals, its not about whats waiting for you once you’ve achieved them, its about the experiences you’ve had and the lessons you’ve learned in the process.” -Samantha Loffman

Samantha i cannot express to you how amazing and inspiring it was to hear that from someone other than myself. i literally said the exact same thing, practically word for word yesterday to a friend of mine. the past day or so i have felt like i was being pushed to be someone i’m not, that my passion and my desire to succeed was being questioned and strongly doubted. it wasn’t until i said that i will grow in my own time, that it’s okay to know what you want in life and to not back down from reaching your goals while maintaining your happiness.

i would much rather do what i love to do and take longer to get where i want to get than be miserable in the process by doing something that doesn’t make me happy. that is to say, when you are content with your actions, when you have confidence and know your strengths, weaknesses and have that strong driving force you are already unstoppable… there’s no need to take the long road through aspects of life which make you miserable when you have your desire to succeed in what you want to do on your side. that’s what defines the successful from the unsuccessful… those who are happy waking up every morning doing what they love to do are successful and honest, those who are not happy are in turn unsuccessful; no matter how much money you earn.

i also want to add that in order to know what it is you really want to do with your life you need to explore all aspects of that field and those fields neighboring your ultimate goal. only then will you know what it is that makes you TRULY happy. you never know when something could surprise you or when you find something new about your craft (in my case, photography) that could completely change your entire way of looking at the world… or doing so… exploring other chapters of your craft could 100% confirm what it is you’ve always thought was what you wanted to do.

it’s okay to not want to do everything. it’s okay to know what you want. and just because you don’t necessarily enjoy every part of your field doesn’t mean you are any bit less passionate for your craft. it means you are confident in what makes you happy and are strong enough to stand up for what you believe in and for what drives you. be honest with yourself and trust yourself enough to fight for what you believe in…. that is passion.

Bookmark and Share

day twentyfive

fact number fortytwo: family is defined by the people who have your back. i forget who it was that said that in their acceptance speech at the golden globes tonight (example of how my memory sucks as pointed out at the beginning of this now 25 day journey) but it stuck with me. it made me reconsider a lot of the things i have been doubting. there are a lot of people out there who have my back and who i know always will. they are the people who think what i have to say has value, those who trust in my growth and know that if the tables were turned i would be right by their side as they have been for me. i owe a lot to these people. and i feel i haven’t really paid tribute to those individuals who have always been there step by step, day by day encouraging me and influencing me, supporting me. i am about to reach a time in my life where i will be needing the support of those people more than ever… there is something to be said to remembering and confronting that which you wish to forget. this is my new project… i want to face that which has seemingly held power over me, i want to conquer those in my life who have done me wrong and who have shaped the person i am today for better or worse… by doing so it can only bring me closer to my goal of finding myself… i will be discovering completely different aspects about my life and my past which i have been sweeping under the carpet for the past 15 years or so… it’s time for them to be revealed.

there will be more information about what it is that this series will mean… i will be writing about all the different people i will be photographing and the affect the traumatic experiences has had on me, how i have defeated them and how it isn’t difficult to move on from a heart wrenching event when you have the confidence and the family to support you… all you need are people there who have your back.

this is a short one but an important one… make sure those individuals in your life who have had your back know how much that means to you because when you decide to face the past you’ll need them to be there to help you stand up to your fears.

Bookmark and Share

I need your help!

Please vote for my portfolio at Hi! and mark your vote by the number of stars you think it deserves… of course 5 stars would be amazing! This is part of the self portrait series which is linked with this daily blog… thanks for all of the support!

cheers : )

day twentythree

fact number thirtynine: i don’t ever want to give up on someone.

before i rant, first listen to this story:
one day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well. the animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.

finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

he invited all his neighbors to come over and help him… they all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. at first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. then, to everyone’s amazement he quieted down.

a few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. he was astonished at what he saw. with each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. he would shake it off and take a step up.

as the farmer’s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up and over the edge of the wall and happily trotted off.


ok. now… this is quite possibly the most disturbing, most refreshing and most telling story about human nature and the power to overcome obstacles i have ever read. too often do we discount that which seems to have little to no worth… in reality it’s what has little worth that completes the cycle. it’s the little things. which help fit the puzzle together.

the complete disregard for life and the power to prove your worth. not only did this farmer depend on this donkey, he had i’m sure developed some sort of relationship with him. the donkey was old… we know this from what was written, so that implies that the farmer has had the animal for a number of years… i’m sorry, any animal which is in your life (humans included) will most certainly have an emotional connection with you. IT’S HUMAN NATURE! as it was human nature to disregard that which is old and therefore useless? unfortunately this seems to be true from what is described here. i cannot tell you how much that bothers me. and this isn’t only the case with adults… it also is evident in young children. i don’t know about your experiences but i know plenty of families where young kids (4-12 years old) want nothing to do with their Grandparents. they’re old, they’re boring, they’re annoying? let’s try they love the shit out of you and would do anything for you. granted this may not be the case in every family but i am a believer in the idea of there being good in everyone, and in the sense of a family member, that love may not always be at the forefront of every relationship, every day… but it’s there because it’s family… much like how that farmer was part of the donkey’s family… they depended on one another, and when the donkey needed something from the farmer he chose to give up on the animal. never give up on someone because you think they are worthless… every single person on this planet was put there to hold some importance in your life. remember that and be grateful that they are sharing this world with you and accepting you for you, and even if they don’t accept you for you, appreciate the fact that they think you’re important enough to hold an opinion about you and about your life.

every day try to prove to those who doubt you that you are not a lost cause, that you can overcome and that you are worth a lot more than they initially expected.

“we can get over the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up.”

Bookmark and Share

%d bloggers like this: